a crime was committed : multimedia-ami was born. haha... or so my dad says.... yes, today i turn fifteen... ah, how nice it is to see the little fifteen next to my name and country on the top bar...
no but really, this has been an utterly boring birthday...doing homework (WHICH SHOULD BE ILLEGAL ON YOUR BIRTHDAY) and watching tv....yes, i have no life. hah. and people seem to think there is something wrong with a fifteen year old who doesn't want to party... (even my parents wish i would... yeah, what?!?) well, maybe i'll have a little small thing in a week, watch a movie, eat a pizza, chop off a head, (yeah, long story, can't explain all in one) just stuff from previous years... well, anyways, besides being boring, at night i went out with my family and two friends, ate some food, and got a few things! my grandparents sent me the COOLEST little gadget EVER... a little tripod... THAT IS FLEXIBLE ([link]). yeah. i just play with it forever and grip to the railings and my foot and my head and chairs. haha... that plus a beatles revolver tee, and tiny flash drive, and catcher in the rye. but enough of that stuff, here's some quickstats, then an important QUESTION.
last things as i 14 yr old:
last song listened to:waking the demon- bullet for my valentine
last song played: l'estro armonico- vivaldi
book read: specials- scott westerfeld
and some firsts as a fifteen yr old:
first to say happy birthday: ethan (this dude [link])
food eaten: waffles
song listened to: saying sorry- hawthorne heights
and i really can't think of much else... oh well, it may not have been great, but i don't think i'd have it go any other way.
and the most fun part was probably just walking around town to the restaurant, with a camera gorilla pod-ed ([link]) to my hand, and wearing my favourite things: black/red strappy pants, rainbow tye died shirt, mismatched striped arm gloves, checked sweatshirt, and mismatched striped socks.

and the question : what do you recommend i do for a small party?!? i hate dancing, and my friends and i are all SOO different... so i haven't the slightest idea... help?

we all sometimes wish impossible, impractical, and stupid things.
while creating a xmas list, i started thinking about all the things i wish that there was no way i could have. not like ponies, castles, etc, because while it is highly unlikely, i could get one. besides, what the heck do i do with a castle or a pony anyway?
no, i meant more impossible things. NAMELY:
I WISH I COULD DUPLICATE MYSELF SO I COULD BE THE PHOTOGRAPHER AND THE MODEL...AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!
there, i said it....
see, lots of times when i have an idea for a photo, i can't think of a way to describe the pose to someone else or can't see anyone but myself modeling for it.... very annoying.... and i couldn't let anyone else take the photo for many reasons, one being that often i can't exactly describe the way it should be taken and i'll know it when i see it myself.
i could just get a timer, but i can think of problems with that. i could just set the timer as i have been doing.....but that i have had so many issues with, too many to say.......
so, i plan on learning to duplicate myself! i need to learn fast, though, i need to take some pictures of my brother and i together for my (ugh) families xmas card.....

i let ya know how that works out...it may be a painful process, but I WILL PREVAIL!!!!!!
wish me luck
PS...aww, the "hope" smiley looks so sad...

i am sure nearly every other teenager in the world can relate to what i am about to say. this is not organized at all, it is in a pretty random sequence, so bear with me, non-existent readers.

you all probably know what i am saying when i talk about parents turning you into their marionette. so long as you do just as they say, it is all good. you have to be as they want you to be, a child that they can proudly show off to their friends and brag over. i am sure that i am not the only kid sick of this. since all of us here are artists, it is almost a given that we probably aren't like most others we know, even if only in a small way. maybe you are the "freak" who sits in a corner writing all day, or the one that talks back to teachers when they disallow you from doodling. or you could be the one that has no friends and that always keeps getting "help" from school adults telling you to see their counselor. or maybe your are none or all of these, heck you could even be seen as just as most others are, and you like it that way. good for you.
but parents need something, and that is to know that you will never change. that is much to much to ask of anybody.
my parents keep thinking i am goth, and they say it like it is a bad thing. i am not goth, but if i was, my parents should be proud of me, both for having a strong enough character to be who i want and not be oppressed by societal norms (this applies to any group/culture/ person/ whatever)), and (more specific to goths) because they are actually a highly intelligent group of people in so many ways. the "realzies" don't do drug stuff and all that. okay, now back to a more general topic.
from now on, even when i say my, i, or any other possessive word, i mean most other teenagers in general, okay?
because of all the "horror stories" my parents hear from other parents who are veterans of raising teens, they expect that i will do crazy, bad, and stupid things. sure, i do stuff that takes away the angel points, but really, i am not so bad as they think i will be/am because of what they hear from others. at least i (now talking mostly of myself) didn't put them through the hell of drugs/ other stuff like that, being sluttish (seriously, in that respect i am so conservative that they get annoyed) and other things that the most normal of normal teens are pat to do. i don't make out in the halls, or try to be a slut-o queen who wears the most revealing of clothing and puts on makeup to be normal. ( i think makeup is fine if you are using it for difference expression, etc, though)
the worst i do is dress differently, carry a depth of intelligence (or so they say.....) that exceeds most of my age, and try my hardest to do what is best. sure, other people may see me as some kind of freak that should be avoided, but personally i am much happier with my small circle of good friends. so few that i can name them all, in fact. my parents think that i have something wrong with me because of the smallness of my circle. i don't shut people out, as they suggest, just, i rarely find that i want to socialize with many people. they just do not have what i appreciate in people. they are so worry about me not being accepted by my peers, teachers, and every random person i see on the street. well, newsflash! I DO NOT CARE. what random people that have no bearing on me think does not matter to me! acceptance by my peers and fitting in just really is at about the bottom of my list. always was, accept for a few months of trying so hard to fit in. i was so miserable, and i am glad i realized how stupid it is to be what you are not. but we all have to learn somehow! few actually believe that how i dress really makes me happy. deliriously happy, often, to express my style and not be shoved in with the rest of them. many think i am just begging for attention and stares, or am trying to rebel against my parents, but i hate it when people stare at me like i am a freak, and i do not go out of my way to bother my poor parents. it is not worth it. i dress the way i do because i like it, it makes me happy. i am a vegetarian for many reasons, but none of them is because i want cooking to be impossible for my mom.
back to what i was saying about hating it when people stare and how it makes me uncomfortable: i have two choices. either i live fitting into the tight corset that is societal norms, parental normalcy expectations and what others accept and be completely miserable, or i can be stared at, gawked at, accused of being shoplifter, druggie, freak, one that must die, emo (and why is that so bad, again?!?), punk, goth, bondage freak, and every other thing that people have called me, yet be happy with myself and blocking out their unfriendly stares and just focusing ont hose whose support i have. all i need is acceptance from those closest to me, and random people's thoughts can't touch me.
sorry this is long, but i needed to say it, for myself, not necessarily for anyone else.
i am not sure i really said what i wanted to just now, but at least it is out.

EMERGENCY SITUATION!!!!!!!!!!!
well, i am normally a person who LOVES music. it is simply something i can not live without. i even wrote a journal at school about how much i love my ipod today. (patchetic.......)
but today, when i went onto youtube and was listening to music by a certain band that we all know (won't say what it is) for the first time. it is the sort of music that some people would think i'd like, but it just made me feel like i hated music! not because it was that bad or anything, just it was a bit weak for me...
so i decided i'd listen to a new song by a band i already like, and it did NOT live up to expectation. SO SAD................. not it seems like ALL MUSIC SUDDENLY SUCKS.........really difficult to explain.....
it is frustrating, though.....
anyone have any suggestions for songs by...... any metalcore or punk band? or branch off punk...the OLD kind...
please?!!?

yes, as in that place all of your stuff goes to when you no longer have use of it.
most may think of it as gross and unsightly, but i recently went there, and i know this will sound strange, but i thought it was beautiful. well, in its own way. kinda beautiful but very sad in a resigned sort of way. it had a zen and beauty to it that you could find nowhere else. really hard to describe. if you want to find a spiritual place (that sounded awkward) go to your local landfill.i need to go back there with my camera and take pictures. yes, it was that awesome.
i think that whole paragraph didn't make a single bit of sense, so i'll just leave now. bye, nonexistent viewers of this journal.